Kelly Lyman at Kelly's Compositions is hosting fun Blogfest in honor of your first page! Don't forget to visit Kelly's blog to read the others' awesome writings! :D(photo found at bing.com images)
Ooh, first page could make or break the story, right? Would you keep reading after this page? How does it sound to you? It's okay to be honest! :D
This is from my Tender Cupid Love, YA novel. (For more Cupid reading, go here for Eros's first kissing scene in pink and here for his love at first kiss scene!)
Aphrodite was dead.
Although it had been thousands of years, and despite that most mortals saw her as myth, she felt alive as ever. She leaned forward in her nacreous throne and pored over Zeus’s globe. Each mortal, a tiny figure frozen in Olympian time in their meager day-to-day lives. The goddess of love simpered.
“Faithless little cretins,” she hissed as she spun the orb with her nail. “Eros,” she called. The vivid paintings on the ceiling reflected her voice. A shiver of pleasure made her smile—how she loved her voice, a lyrical tune.
She tapped her long nails against the armrest of her throne. A lone breeze curled its way through the pillars from her lush gardens beyond and frolicked within the silvery lengths of her hair. How dare he keep her waiting!
With a huff, she rose to her sandaled feet.
“Eros!”
A little man flew in and pressed his nose to the polished floor. “All hail, Aphrodite! I have come to report that Eros has gone missing.” His Adam’s apple quivered when he met her gaze. “Again.”
“Hermes, my dear—I asked for my son, and I get the messenger?” She chewed on her lip, tightened her gaze, and took three slow breaths. “How are you this fine eve?” But she did not care to hear about his irksome romps and he knew it.
Hermes blinked several times. “Wonderful.”
I hope you enjoy the rest of the first page Blogfest! (I think the title, Tender Cupid Love sounds waaay cheesy, what title would you choose?)
27 comments:
Having read Eros first kiss, I am now scared for the poor girl involved. Aphrodite seems so hostile.
I enjoyed this though.
Wow, Aphrodite is a strong woman! She seems so wonderfully evil.
Hi, Charity! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I can't wait to read yours!
Portia--thank you. She is of a jealous sort. I'm glad you liked it! I'm heading over right now to read your first page!
Wow. I agree Aphrodite does come across as wonderfully hostile and very much large and in charge. :) I'd definitely like to read more.
And I wanted to let you know that I'm here following you now, too. :)
Great first page!
Wow! I like reading about powerful, take charge women. Though I know nothing about this mythology other than what I learned in Percy Jackson, I did enjoy this page. I agree, title is little much, I love Eros first kiss for a title!
I just love what you did with Aphrodite! She is usually protrayed as this bubble headed happy "preppy" girl type and this is something completely different! I love it!
As for a title, I agree that "Tender Cupid Love" is a bit...much. Based on this beginning, I'd go with something darker, like "Aphrodite's Rage" or "Beauty's Thorns" or something like that. But since I haven't read the rest, I can't really say for sure. But if Aphrodite is going to play a huge role, I would totally play on that for the title.
I would love to meet you at a conference too! I hope I get to actually go to one soon! My 18 month old keeps be home quite a bit, but hopefully I'll be able to take a week or weekend to attend a conference here in Georgia or something.
Ah! The villains are the most fun characters in my opinion and she sounds like a fantastic villain!
Your first sentence caught me up. And your last left me wanting me more. You have a true gift. Congrats.
I fear I came in too late to join into all this fun. That'll teach me to be a blood courier, driving rare blood to all creation these past 24 hours, right? Maybe a lovely vampire will seek me out. A mixed blessing, right? Roland
Love the myths coming to life premise. You set a vivid scene. I could see Aphrodite there, malevolent and beautiful. Great page!
Aphrodite always was kind of a troublemaking wench, wasn't she? Wait. Should I be saying that in public? Er...
Nicely done, good lady. I like the twist on myth here.
Hi Sarahayne! Aphrodite is mean, she sends Eros off and away just to spite him. Thanks for the following! :D
Thank you, Angie!
LOL, Terry, thanks. I think Tender Cupid Love sounds cheesy, it's the very last sentence of the book. I like Eros, better!
Hi Harley! You came by! (Waving at you!) I love babies, they are so fun and squishy! You have a great imagination--I can tell you LOVE to brainstorm. It shows in your writing, too! (I guess we'll see about how soon we can meet, hu?) but let's not give up!
Nisa, I think villains are so fun to entertain. Muahahahah! >D
Hi Roland! I was naughty one time and actually joined a blogfest the same day it was 'released'. It still worked--I don't think it's too late! ;)
Hi Roxy! Thank you--I had found it a great challenge to take on when I first started this story, but it was a total blast finishing it!
Hello Simon--it's okay, I don't think the gods heard that! Thank you for dropping by! :D
Oooo, neat. I like starting with Aphrodite being dead. Love that myth.
I just noticed your comments as I was rushing back to tote rare blood to hospitals in need. Thanks for the kind words. They were needed, and they were truly appreciated. Roland
Interesting.
Really liked the first line. Short and effective.
I got a sense of conflict and tension, but what I didn't get from the first page was a sense of what was at stake. Kind of want to know what she's grumping about, not just that she was grumpy.
Made me want to read more, very nice style and POV. :)
ooh intriguing!!!! thx for sharing!
This was great fun I was having fun being dragged along in the wake of your distainful goddess
One thought:
A lone breeze curled its way through the pillars from her lush gardens beyond and frolicked within the silvery lengths of her hair.
She scraped her nails against the armrest of her throne, tapping repeatedly until she exploded onto her sandaled feet.
“Eros!”
She scared me - eek! Can you imagine that as a MIL? I agree with the previous commenter, this was fun. Good job.
You pulled me in with the very first sentence! I'm hooked and cant' wait to read what you do with this myth. Well done! Thanks for participating.
I hadn't heard of this myth before, but now I'm interested. I love the line - the vivid paintings on the ceiling reflected her voice. I think you've got an interesting character here. Thank you for the comments on my first page and for becoming a follower.
I do not want to run into Aphrodite--no way! You've done a really good job here.
Margie would like that turn of phrase of mine? To earn the nod of an instructor is always nice. I am just glad you liked it. I was afraid my all black theme might be too much -- but I've always thought black was elegant and intriguing in both color and people. But my Lakota mother taught me to see with "different eyes" as she called it. Have a healing weekend, Roland
Hi Beth, thank you! I had fun writing about the Greek gods (it'll be fun to write an other tale in the near future!)
You're welcome, Roland! ;0)
Iapatuss, you're right--I don't mention what is at stake. Hmmm... thanks for pointing that out to me it's something I'll certainly consider looking into! :D (a simple insert when she calls Eros would do--she actually wants him at her beck and call and is angry when he doesn't respond immediately.)
Christina, thank you! (you're welcome!)
Ooh, Elaine--that does create a tenser mood, doesn't it? Thanks so much for the suggestions! ;)
Thank you, Tara!
Hey, Kelly! It was so much fun--I LOVE blogfests. Too bad I don't have a blogfest meter that calls me every time there is one. Thank you for hosting this one!
Hi Mary, you're welcome. I'm glad you liked it!
Thank you, Catherine! :)
Hi, Roland! Thank you for your comments--it's nice to have friends visit me. I hope you enjoy your weekend as well and wish you the best on the vampires that may seek you out! ;)
Very intriguing opening! Also incredibly unique! Well done, Elizabeth - I would definitely read more. :)
Ooooh, Aphrodite is all mean and narcissistic. Love it :)
She's scary! But in a totally awesome way. ;) Great job!
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