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Visceral!
What is visceral? It is the bodily happenings when someone is experiencing an emotion. When you include that in your writing, it gives the reader a sense of reality and connection with your characters.
Let's see how John, my temp MC, reacts to this sentence:
The creature, eyeless in the deep night, slithered closer; death in its breath.
Before:
John fell and screamed, unable to move.
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After:
John fumbled, his hands like blocks of trembling ice, his feet leaden things that weighed his heart to a standstill.
Do you illicit visceral reactions in your characters?
Love your excerpts, and this is a fun experiment!
ReplyDeleteJohn's first reaction is how I imagine I would react when faced by a monster. And then I'd get eaten.
ReplyDeleteyour blog is beautiful. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great V word! Love the examples, fear the Creature, sympathise with John :-)
ReplyDeleteVuh, vuh, vuh very good illustration.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Love your example.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog - and a great "V" word. Definitely grabbed me.
ReplyDeleteWow! Wonderful V-Word post in A2Z blogging challenge.
ReplyDeleteI love your post and blog.
Please stop by my blog and if you feels its worthy to follow, please follow it.
With warm welcome,
http://mydaughtersdreams.blogspot.com
Your after remake of your sentence gets it in one!! Yay for you!!! The pics are fab too btw!!
ReplyDeleteTake care
x
Great V word and great example pf showing rather than telling.
ReplyDeleteHi Elizabeth..
ReplyDeleteGreat writing style..indeed terrific..
Thanks for following me..I found u as an awesome writer and a marvelous illustrator..
Elizabeth...you have a wonderful writing style, or shall I say vonderful..loved the excerpts.
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ReplyDeleteTrisha, thank you!
ReplyDeleteMood, lol! Yes, I would too! :D
River, thank you!
Karla, thank you!
Em, lol, thank you :)
Salarsen, thanks!
Gujjari, thank you!
Talli, thank you!
Jennifer, I'm glad you like. :)
Catherine, thank you!
Tomz, you're welcome! Thank you for the luv!
Rachna, *wink* Thank you! :D
Love your after version. This is something I so need to learn how to do better.
ReplyDeleteoooh! death in his breath! love it!
ReplyDeleteI hope so! Great word, btw.
ReplyDeleteLove the description of the creature. Very visual. I love giving my characters visceral reactions to situations. It makes it all more immediate and exciting.
ReplyDeleteDonna, thank you! It's something that I'm still working with.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, thank you!
Shari, thank you! :)
Melissa, isn't it great? I would love to read something of yours! <3