Friday, June 18, 2010

Breaking the Rules Blogfest is here, Woohoo!!!!!

Thank you, all you brave souls, who joined my blogfest. I know this wasn't an easy one because none of us likes to show off the knots and tangles and dangling strings behind our beautiful piece of tapestry. You guys will always have a special place in my heart. ;)

Please don't forget to read the others' wonderful excerpts! (I will announce the winner Sunday for my bribe!)

The excerpt that I entered is high fantasy, Tragic Innocence, my very first novel. I found, as I read, that I loved adverbs and purple prose. I've grown since, cleaning out adverbs from my 'dictionary', but I still lean to the purply shades of beautiful prose. *Sigh* What can I say? I'm a poet at heart!

Okay, here it goes! ;D

“Wait for me!” Sinot called out to Mikash, who made it appear rather simple to clamber up steep mountain-sides.

The dark blue of the gloaming yawned vastly above them as the early morning stars twinkled happily. The fatigued sun (known as Enon) struggled from its much enjoyed slumber behind DragonBones Mountain. Thick pink puffs of clouds lazily drifted by, covering up the breath-taking color of the dawn that could have otherwise been visible. It had just rained, as the moist ground and fresh, life-invigorating air testified omnipotently around them.

The cool breeze felt good as it rushed upward against the cliff. Dusky forests grew thickly below and above them. Only a few trees braved the awkward slant of the barren crag. An early forenoon fog lingered quietly, as it whitened the black forests ominously. But the birds had paid it no mind, twittering merrily about.

These were the type of mornings that Mikash lived for: overcast with the stimulating scent of rain lingering in a gentle breeze. He paused as he quickly hurled a glance over his shoulder below at his redheaded friend. Sinot was definitely too laggard, for he did not like climbing very much--due to his slight fear of heights. In fact, his old-time friend would rather go the long way around. “Where my feet would never have to leave the sturdy ground,” as Sinot had once put it. Mikash grinned as he shook his head, now concentrating on the task at hand.

Mikash’s long sable hair whipped around him like the dancing fire at a camp as he easily ascended. He enjoyed using his elfdagger as an aid for his climbing, stabbing it deeply into the dirt and rock.

Sinot’s heavy black cape flew up from behind him. He mumbled under his breath, disgusted at his friend’s natural talent. He glimpsed upwards shaking his head to himself as his violet eyes glinted with what little light shined. “Just how do you do it?”

Mikash laughed heartily. “You do have a great sense of humor!” He smiled broadly. He hesitated as he decided to search for a good resting spot, so his good friend can catch up. When he then spotted a gnarly tree just above, he set out for it. It projected away from the steep angle of the cliff, its branches twisted and knotted from centuries of seeking comfort and life-giving light from the Enon. He nestled comfortably within the heart of it, waiting for his confidant to catch up. “How is it going?!” Mikash called out as his voice echoed in the morning’s distance. A smirk tilted one corner of his lips.

Sinot glared upwards and noticed that his friend had decided to roost in the tree--the very same tree that Mikash would always wait in when he took too long--with his long legs propped up comfortably, with a flute in his hands. “Do you still remember how to play that?” Sinot bellowed conversationally with absolutely no intention of hearing a reply. His echoes greeted him in return. His attention was elsewhere, focused on pure concentration.

And Mikash knew it, but he answered anyway. “Yes,” he licked his lips in preparation, “my mother taught me well.” His eyes were far away with thought. Today was his beloved father’s anniversary, so he made a special trek out to pay him a visit.

The amulet Mikash wore was expressly given to him by his father at birth, for safekeeping. It was a peculiar jewel, he had to admit. Strangely enough, why did it invariably glow with each sojourn to his father’s? His startling gray eyes shimmered as long lashes glinted from the rising of Enon. He raised his eyes to the horizon to prevent the tears from falling. The Enon was still dull enough to look straight into it’s heart without burning pain.

Thank you for reading and leaving comments, I really appreciate it! Dont forget to read the other's there on my side bar to your right. They are confident writers, see how they aren't afraid to show off their first stages of writing?? ;) Share your thoughts on how your work started out, too!

photo found here


  1. Elizabeth!! I'm so so so so so sorry but I completely forgot to prepare for this blogfest! Please don't hate me, my query spoof friend! It was even in my SIDEBAR for crying out crap. I just wanted to say I loved your entry. It cracked me up because it was just so perfect for this with the (wonderfully vivid) long prosey description and adverbs galore! I'll be sure to check out all the other contestants. Sorry again. I feel like a boob.

  2. I like all the description!!! (Loved the pic too, nice!)

    This was a great idea!

  3. Darl'n this was such fun! I had a blast digging up old stuff! (I went really old - like young child writer old...God help me! lol)

    Oh how I love the character names here and well your love of adverbs is one after my own heart! ;o)

    Visit My Kingdom Anytime

  4. A lovely piece of purpley prose awash with adverbs and adjectives galore!


    take care

  5. That was fun. Thanks for sharing.

  6. I actually rather liked this, it really intrigued me! Your writing has gotten so much more polished, but this is still good!

    I can see where the rules were broken: adjectives, sentence structures, and it has a very first draft feel!

    Thanks for such a great blogfest! Oh, and you have an award at my blog (the post below the blogfest one) :)

  7. I love the line about his sable hair whipping up like campfire. That was really great imagery. Thanks for hosting the blogfest.

  8. I liked it too. Very visual.

    Thanks for posting.

  9. Thanks for hosting the blogfest!
    My favorite is
    testified omnipotently
    Nice purple job!

  10. Hey Elizabeth - I have the CORRECT, as in your blogfest, up now. LOL Your entry is so lovely and whimsically (a word?) descriptive. Aahhhh. =D

  11. Elizabeth my dear,

    Thank You for hosting this blogfest!

    And nice post you've got there...a bit heavy, maybe (one might say purple) but I like the imagery. It kind of reminded me a bit of...*ahem*... Italian mens' compliments... flowery but nice.

    The sable hair like campfire was great, btw. ; P

  12. Katie, it's okay, I still love ya! Thank you for coming by and reading my entry! ;) (I'm glad you liked my query spoof!) :D

    Tabitha--thank you!

    Laura, thank you! I loved your story too! :)

    Courtney--DOH! I shoulda dug up my 11 year old writings. You were a better child writer than I was!!! *blushing* Thank you, too! :*

    Jennifer--isn't it the best? Ah, the good ole days. *Sigh*

    Southpaw, thank you and your welcome! :)

    Sangu, thank you! I'll hurry over and pick up my award, you rock!! ;)

    Michelle, thank you! You should hear the rest in this novel! :D

    Raquel, thank you and your welcome, it was fun, wasn't it? :D

    Arroya, your welcome! I'm glad you liked it.

    Andrew--LOL!!! Sometimes I wish I can say, "Hang the rules, I want to go back to barbarism and become shameless in my writing." But I guess that's what first drafts are for, hu? ;)

    RaShelle, okay, I'll go over and read it! I'm glad you liked the descriptions. I'm at the other end of the scale now--I have a hard time writing about the setting descriptions. Ugh...

    Tessa, thank you! It was fun! :)

  13. Admittedly, some of those words I had no idea what they meant... and I pride myself on having a pretty good sized vocabulary... I really liked what I got to see of the story though. But as a side note, even today, I still love a little purple prose here and there. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Thanks for sharing.

    <3 Kelsey Leigh

  14. I loved that! I am very intrigued as to why his amulet glows when he visits his! You introduced me to a new term. I've never heard of "purple prose" before. Now I know. LOL

  15. As amateurish as it sounds... I'd never understood the phrase "purple prose"... I'd actually only heard for the first time when I was looking at submission guidelines just a couple days ago. :)

    It is a very sweet piece. :) I love reading these earlier entries!

  16. Thanks for hosting :D The bit that amused me especially was a change in tense..."waiting so his friend can catch up." But you certainly have a strong sense of setting, and that was actually quite nice :D I have a problem with setting in my early drafts :( Thanks!

  17. That was fun - I've got a good image of the characters & the setting in my head :)

  18. Nicely done and great blogfest!

    I have to admit, I had to google "purple prose" because I was not familiar with the term. I guess I am okay on that since I do too little description, lol.

    You use a lot of colors in the first few paragraphs, that is what I noticed the most. But I'm kinda, sorta a painter. I like seeing colors and the sun name was cool.

  19. "HE smiled broadly. HE hesitated as HE decided to search for a good resting spot, so his good friend can catch up. When HE then spotted a gnarly tree just above, HE set out for IT. IT projected away from the steep angle of the cliff, its branches twisted and knotted from centuries of seeking comfort and life-giving light from the Enon."

    In that paragraph you mentioned "he" and "it" often, maybe combining sentences or using another way to get rid of the excessive "He" and "it"'s would be good. Otherwise, the excerpt is beautifully rich is detail, it paints out a lovely picture that I can imagine very clearly. Good job, you have talent and show great promise!

  20. There are some really lovely bits of description in this. It's just a bit much at once. Thanks for hosting the blogfest, Elizabeth.

  21. Oh, thank you Liz. This makes me feel better about mine, though it isn't worse. I gotta tell you though, I loved that long, leisurely description of the forest and the morning. As I told Andrew earlier; sometimes vivid, "purple" prose is necessary in setting. This one ran on a bit longer perhaps than needed to draw the reader into the setting, but it was nice being there.

    What can I say; I love epic fantasy.

    This excerpt really does show how far you've come as a writer. Run on sentences, POV discrepancies, transition errors. The content started jumping around near the end, that confused me.

    "He paused as he quickly hurled a glance over his shoulder below at his redheaded friend." This is my favorite error ridden sentence. It is so dramaticly overdone. It is worthy of an award for awkwardness!

    But the excerpt has great voice. The tone is light banter, and gives Mikash a roguish quality. He seems like a prankster, but not in a cruel way. Playful. Reminds me of Menion Leah (The Sword Of Shannara)

    The language and flow has an archaic feel; I'm almost expecting knights and wizards to appear. (Oh, you did mention it was high fantasy; but I had forgotten.) The characters are engaging and pretty well developed. I get a sense of comfortable friendship, and not from the over use of the word "friend" either. It comes out in the dialogue.

    I hope this isn't sitting in a drawer somewhere. Despite the lack of editing, I was getting into the setting and the characters. What an awesome novel its going to be when you're finished polishing it.


  22. Kelsey! Thank you! I'm flattered that I stumped you with certain words that I had in my story. :) I do love some purple in writing, too--it is so musical to my thoughts. ;)

    Baby doll, welcome to my humble blog! Thank you for dropping by and reading my long post! The first time I heard of "purple prose" I fell in love with its label because it sounds so poetic. And I love the color purple. :D

    Suzie, I guess purple prose is poetic writing? I wonder if it applies to using "like" and "as" as well as personifying inanimate objects? Hmmm.... Thank you! I enjoyed reading the earlier entries too, so untainted and pure! ;)

    Drea! LOL, I never caught that tense! You know what? It is in my today's works that I lost my sense of setting--reading all them editing rules books weened it outta me. Now I have a hard time inserting a sentence every now and then--maybe because I feel as if I'm info-dumping? Ugh!! Sometimes these rules make me CRAZY!! (That's why I hosted this blogfest!) Teehee... ;)

    Jemi, I'm glad you enjoyed this! I remember writing this and I just loved writing it the way I did. SO much that when I learned the rules, I was sooooo sad and even felt as if I was losing my voice, my style. I still struggle with that. *sigh*

    Oooh, I love coloring and painting and artsy stuff, too! I was so into my art back when I wrote it (17) that I used what my mind's eye saw and I wasn't afraid to do it! Today is a different matter. Oh-hum...

    Kirthi! Thank you for your suggestions! Lots a room for improvement in this piece! I wrote this before I knew there were rules to expressing what was in my heart for books! ;)

    Angie, thank you for your thoughts, I really enjoyed your story, too. <3

    Donna, thank you so much for your encouragement! That has really made my heart all warm and fuzzy. You made me laugh when you said that it deserves an award for awkwardness alone--Oh, how funny!!!

    I actually have full intention to polish it as soon as I'm done with my other stories that are waiting their turns. *Sigh* A writer's job is never done, hu?? ;)

  23. I thought you were kidding about the adverbs! lol! I'm pretty sure I favored them too before I knew better. That aside, I liked that you gave a clear picture of what Mikash looked like and a glimpse at his strengths. But there's also a little mystery about what they're actually doing. Nice! Look forward to your next blogfest! :)


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