Saturday, May 22, 2010

It's Logline/Hook Line Blogfest time!!! Woot!

Okay, I was thinking a whole lot about this, but I decided that if I chicken out, who would take the rooster's place? ;) Okay, cheesy, I know. Just working out the jitters of what you all will think of my one-liners!!

Bryan was so very brilliant when he thought of this Blogfest. You know what I say? Bryan, let's hold this about every 3 months so that we all could get critiques by every author and have our submissions ready sooner than later!!!

What say you????

1. The mighty warrior Chengral refuses to slay the ancient Viking peoples of his kin as he falls in love with the lovely Halla.

2. The evil queen of the Choldra Empire commands her most trusted warrior to slay the ancient peoples of a distant planet, but will Chengral have the heart to slay them all once he sets eyes upon the lovely Halla?

3. The evil queen of the Choldra Empire conspires to slay her king as she sends Chengral onto a suicide mission of slaying an ancient settlement elsewhere in the distant universe.

4. Chengral, a hardened warrior and lover of his queen, is determined to obliterate an ancient people until he discovers the lovely, but spirited Halla.

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts in advance. Let's rock everyone's entries this day and help flood the market with our awesomest books!!! ;)


  1. Oooh I like no. 4! It has the baddie, the hero and the heroine/romantic interest. I'd be interested to read further if I saw that blurb on a book (yours hopefully)!

    Take care

  2. I like #4 the best too! It has all the elements needed for a good hook line! Great job!

  3. It's between #2 and #4 for me. Both have all the elements needed to let us see who the book is about and what the stakes are.

    Nice job.

  4. I'm kinda like "so?"
    I need something more concrete for Chengral than "digs a chick". What about her makes him turn on his own people?
    Chengral, King of the Choldra, must choose between his heart and his duty when tasked with destroying Halla, the beautiful Viking maiden, and her people.
    King Chengral has been ordered to destroy an ancient people only to fall in love with their [what is she exactly] Queen, so he must choose between his honor and the love of the woman who has captured his heart.
    or something. I don't know. Rambling at this point.

  5. I like 2 and 4 most of all. 2 caught me first. Something about that evil queen got me interested right off. You make me smile. I can't believe you've been marrried 3 times (kidding).

  6. I think I like 3 best, but the 2nd half of it could be more specific. Could you tie in some of the history connection with it??? Good luck - I find these pitches so hard.

  7. I like number 3, too, although maybe 'ancient enemy' would be better? (if they are the enemy) and you could just leave off 'elsewhere in the distant universe' (sounds kind of like 'in a galaxy far, far, away'...) and add something about Halla instead?

    Also - Chengral isn't the king, is he?

  8. #4 is the best, but can you expand on it and show the stakes? What will happen if he disobeys the queen?

    Can you give us some meat that gets us to see the tension and the difficulty of the choice the mc has to make?

    Nice job and thanks for joining the blogfest!

  9. I'd go for #4. The others don't give us enough character or conflict, but this one does. We know who he is, we know what he's going to do, and then we see the change that comes over him. I think it works best!

  10. I have to say #4 stuck out for me too. I really like it.

  11. I like the last one best. And yeah with all, I am hooked and want to read the story.

    See mine

  12. Cool! I like #4 because you hint at the internal and external conflict that could ensue--a love triangle and a civilization at stake. Good work! :o)

    I haven't been to your blog for awhile--I've missed it!

  13. I like number four the best...only I'm not sure if "lover of his queen" means he is her actual lover...or she has his allegiance. Otherwise...great job! These things are hard to do.

  14. A hardened warrior, Chengral, is determined to carry out the command given by his lover and queen of the Choldra Empire to the obliterate an ancient people until he discovers the lovely, but spirited Halla.

  15. I really liked number four the best! It immediately captured my interest and held it.

  16. Hi there! Aren't these fun? I prefer #2, if you can reword it without a question. For some reason, the question bug me. And maybe give a little information as to who Halla is and what happens other than his refusing to obey.

    For example,

    The evil queen of the Choldra Empire commands her most trusted warrior, Chengral, to slay the ancient peoples of a distant planet, but he falls in love with (their queen? a slave girl? a priestess?) named Halla and (fights to protect them instead?).

  17. #2 and #4 both worked for me though I like the detail from #1 that these people he refuses to slay are in fact his kin.

  18. I vote for #2 but I think Stephen King might do these edits :
    1) replace Evil with Scheming {Evil is a label, scheming tells us action.}
    2) replace "most trusted" with noble {It sets up why he may not be able to obey his Queen.}
    3) replace "have the heart" to "be able" {fewer words}
    4) replace "to slay them all" to "to obey" {since earlier in the sentence you already told us his mission.}
    5) replace "lovely" to "loving" {it gives us a more understandable and noble reason for your hero not to be able to obey his queen.}

    Just thoughts to trim and tighten your already excellent logline, Roland

  19. Hi GANG! Thank you all so much for your wonderful, fantabulous comments, thoughts, crit's and suggestions! Sorry I couldn't comment in between, I was hunting down Bryan's link list for all the wonderful one-liners.

    Yes, it is a hard thing to sum up an entire novel into one little thing, but you guys did a great job at it, too!

  20. Though I think you can make a few tiny tiny alterations with wording, I like 4 the best with 1 as a close second. :)

  21. I'm with most of the commenters above. #4 is my favorite! Maybe you could add something in about the queen, though. Instead of being "determined" to obliterate them, which sounds like he personally hates them, you could say something about how the queen has ordered him to do it, or he is determined to obey her orders "until..."

    I like that you use Chengral as the subject of the sentence (assuming he's the MC) and the simplicity of the sentence.


Welcome to my blog! I love reading your comments, so please don't be shy and comment away. Also, because of the outrageous number of Anonymous Spam comments I've been receiving, I have opted from that availability--I apologize for any inconvenience!